I really hope this is just paranoia and nothing more. Seriously, how in the world do I fuck my life up with my bare hands over and over again. I've been waking up every morning, trying to think of something positive to keep me going throughout the day and the cycle goes on. Its getting pretty tiring. And I'm sick of pretending in front of everyone else. I shall wait. Wait until this is all over and I can live without a care for the world.