I am still going on Hiatus but am back here for a short bit because this seems more of a need than a want. Maybe its time for you to just look back at the time we were all happy, talking about everything, laughing our hearts out, or just enjoying each other's company. Have you really, forgotten everything you used to say to me? I know you've cut me out of your life, I spend every night crying so hard when I remember because right now they're nothing but a big fat bunch of lies. It scares me how I remember each detail so clearly of the short memory I had with you I can tell it to you like a bedtime story.
You know what I'm like, I made it clear to you about how I'd go when something is wrong, you knew how I'd react. And what you used to tell me. Then why, are you doing this to me right now? Everything I've cried is turning into time I've wasted trying to find a reason for a simple goodbye. Do you have any idea how much you have made me hate myself because I sit here and look at this big piece of shit I've created. I have made you hate me. I would cry about how I couldn't afford to lose you but now this is all about how I've made myself lost you. And when I pray every night, I apologize to God about how I've made myself turn into this monster who has just scared the hell out of you with my stupid actions. You know what is so weird about this whole cycle? I know exactly what I'm doing, and I know what I shouldn't be and yet I just do it. I know the effects but I just hope maybe for something better which is usually in vain. Then I'd cry myself to sleep and wake up crying again because all this remorse and regret just fills me up after waiting the entire night.
Its going to take an even longer time from now, I am fucking scared and I can no longer bring myself to face you. I am locking myself up, everything has changed from now. I cannot believe how I've made myself become so affected by you and how much you still mean to me. I'm sorry, if you'd ever see this but I know nothing I do is ever going to be able to make it up to you for my mistakes. I miss you, very much. Please...take care of yourself and be happy. Merry Christmas.
" Does it help to say I'm sorry
If so then I'm sorry that your so unhappy
This life those lies are starting get you down
Darling don't let them drag you around
Saying "it's my fault" doesn't help repeated
Time, love and Jesus seems to beat it
She'll find out this is harder than taking medicine"