There is so much more of me wanting to open up and simply say everything to someone who is probably out there willing to be there at this very point of time. So much of a want. Or maybe a need. That day, we had fun playing with balloons in the middle of no where as they wrestled in the strong wind, hair all over our faces. Then we nicely jot down the things we wanted in the future or the things we wished could stay the same forever on the balloons. I started mine with a "Dear God.." Firstly thanking Him for everything then followed by this list of things which never seemed to end. Am I asking for too much? At the very end, we let the balloons go and watch them fly up, I say a little prayer in my heart hoping that You'd see the things I wrote because they really mean that much to me. Not the material things but you should know. I've stopped feeling sad. I ask myself if this is because I feel nothing towards anything anymore. Everything is just empty. Or is it because its become more a less or part of me. I know what I want right now, I spent the entire day at home today, yet another self-proclaimed holiday, wanting to think of happy things and smile in my sleep. Woke up sweaty, scared, in panic..."Thank God it wasn't true. Thank God it was never true." Change, soon? Things will get better, yeah things will get better.