Breakdown



3 in the morning and I just finished a bowl of the best instant noodles I've had in awhile, so depressed I'm putting on more and more weight just like that. I've eaten so much over the years and my weight has never increased like that before, its upsetting me. And in debt with a whole lot of things I have yet to get striked off my shopping list, including this gorgeous pair of wedges my eyes caught a few nights ago at some website. I had this weird feeling all over me today, and as if there were many holes punched into my heart. I don't know if this whole self- denial thing has gotten to the better side of me but I just won't stop thinking about it. I made a whole new imaginary character up who's perfect in every possible way a few months back and am so darn happy with it, we do some of the best things one can ever ask for and share practically everything blah blah blah but at the end of the day, its never going to happen and I'm never going to get to ever see that person. How long more am I going to carry on lying to myself I ask. Everyone does too. All this time I've spent happily smiling in my sleep, day dreaming and what not, is just so that I could run away from getting over something I really loved in my life. Whatever it is, one thing about me is I know I've never lost my faith. But still, you know, I know, we all know. Its really disappointing I'm really at a loss. I'm guessing this is just life, so live with it. Anyway, these pictures above were taken 2 nights back at about 12 midnight in the carpark at my place, its pretty amazing how we never get sick of this. Going back to my place after a long day then getting all the make up on, pack up and we're set! To think I also kinda killed my tripod awhile back, now I have no idea where the fuck it is but whatever, thank God for a wooden stool which I lugged along throughout the entire night. Hahah I'm weird like that but its worth it, to me at least. The humid weather plus almost getting knocked down by cars as well, what a night I must say. Can't wait for whats in store for us next.