I know this can all be over in a flash and it feels as if I'm a step closer to freedom but I'm not bugged by the fact that I'm scared.......for example, of failing my examinations. Prelims in less than 2 weeks and I don't know about you but I'm the sort who knows if I'm getting a zero for a test, I am. I don't like to exaggerate how badly I'm going to do because I tend to know its going to turn out that bad hahah so now school isn't really fantastic. I would be lying to say I'm not freaking out or anything because I know nothing about 85% of the shit I face everyday when I flip through my textbooks. But it would be another lie to say I've been trying my best. I'm just scared because I don't seem bothered at all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And thats bothering me.. Everyone at school is like applying for direct school stuff and when they speak to me about it I'm like "what?" "Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh that, ah I don't have any plans" Then I just..giggle -.- I just want to get over and done with this whole 'O' level crap then have fun and I don't want to do too badly when it comes to the grades either.

Still, I need people to push me, bug me every bloody day. Its weird because during school hours, I seem all motivated and what not to go home and STUDY and finish this or that but once I am home I hit the sheets for a couple of hours, eat, watch abit of the telly, go online for another couple of hours and stare at my cluttered room before its time for my sweet dreams. I love it when people give me eye power. Its like, they just sit there and stare at me while I do my work, I tend to get more done but ok who in the world will be willing to actually do that, for me? -.- I made Hazel vomit the other time she helped me with chem and now I have forgotten probably everything and whoo chem is my second paper once prelim starts!! This shall be interesting..

And once I'm really done with everything I will make money. And use that money to make more and more money then I will travel around the world. Must visit Cat in Sydney, Mark and Chris Hustler in Melbourne, London next March for Sophie (Can't wait, it will be the highlight of my entire 2010), feel like going to korea, must go to Hong Kong for my mango desserts, omg BALI for a getaway spells pretty awesome, and can I say...Bangkok every month from November before school starts again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I never get sick of that place. (9 MONTHS OF FREEDOM?) Sophie is coming to Spore this December for about 2 weeks and I'm so thrilled, once I get a reply from her if she's keen about Bangkok then whoo we can proceed with the booking! &&&&&& because ze aunt is flying to london at the end of this month, Sophie and I are preparing huge packages for each other full of goodies -HI SOPHIE IF YOU SEE THIS REPLY MY EMAIL DO U WNA GO TO BANGKOK AND I BOUGHT YOU THE CUTEST PANTIES THE OTHER DAY HAHA- if only she could pack a British sex god someone as cute as... Aaron Johnson ISN'T HE LIKE THE MOST CHAMRING THING ON THE PLANET sorry I'm don't like Robert Patt. I find him cold and scary looking... OK BACKTRACKING.....

I hope I don't sound immature but I really want to make all this work. My family isn't doing great financially and it really sucks when we don't have much of a choice. As for my aunt....I hope to be able to follow her whenever she travels for work like just tag along then explore the place on my own that would be a change for me, personally. Luv her company, even in her bedroom where she starts showing off her new loots to me half naked. So right now, oh God I need to be motivated I should probably stick a huge poster of a Balenciaga on my ceiling from tonight onwards and start work, officially tomorrow sicne it doesn't really matter whether I pass or fail my prelims, its the 'O's that matter damit. Good lord I've been ranting so much but if you got here then thanks for bearing with me I AM whiny so bahah pizz owt goodnight!