While I am in the midst of writing a school article about the likes fashion bloggers and their definition of this route to fashion superstardom, I have read over and over the infamous article by Suzy Menkes and Leandra's and Susie's two cents worth on the whole hooha of fashion week being a circus and the general intergrity of bloggers. I, myself, am nobody to comment on fashion week coming from a little island that is Singapore with hardly an appreciation towards fashion though I'm glad to say it's getting better. I ask my dad to take many of my photos you see on the blog, but sometimes I think he has no idea what he is doing except using my camera to literally, point and shoot. Likewise for my grandma, who asks to have a look at these pretty pictures I so…intensely and meticulously go out and about to shoot. but as for the latter on intergrity and "how much is too much", I sure have a lot to say. The thing is, I've been blogging here for almost 5 years and even reading Menkes' points made me feel mildly outraged like Leandra, or maybe...just sad. I'm sad that this is what the fashion blogosphere has become and what was once so refreshing has become a game to flaunt and see who's best. Having first discovered fashion blogging when I was 14, I was mesmerized and remembering spending that very day, 15 hours straight infront of my desktop (nope, no laptops for me then) stalking this Swedish girl I was so amused with and the whole idea of having my own 'fashion blog'. And I will never deny that because I am someone who blogs, striving for a future in this evergrowing, unforgiving industry.
But I love it and I've always dreamed of it, working my ass off in school to try to create work worthy of recognition from fashion insiders and my mentors to make me feel like I do have a chance in being a part of this whole creative process that makes this beautiful industry what it is today. Maybe I'll become a photographer, or a writer, or a stylist or art director. I wouldn't know now, I just enjoy school and enjoy what I learn. I do what I can. And this platform here, has been my way of expressing myself and my love towards this dream, from sharing bits and pieces of my life through the things I wear. It should be no surprise to know that I remember a significant amount of highs and lows in my life through documented outfits.
I think I am just upset that blogging, especially from a fashion standpoint, has become overwhelmingly unnatural with fashion blogs appearing in every..nanosecond. Then leaving comments on blogs and Instagram feeds, "Like my blog and get a shoutout!" "Follow me and I will follow you back!" or just the whole idea of self promotion all for the sake of getting noticed and getting those freebies or being the next big thing. I am definitely not the perfect example of the ideal blogger but I'm sure you know where I am coming from. This of course, comes from my point of view so feel free to agree or disagree. Also, Menkes' stand on the street circus game made me realise that while I am "working my ass off in school", one day, maybe I'd like to attend fashion week myself to see a show or two…but is this how people are going to view me as? A peacock? Because I dress up? While just studying in fashion school and having a penchant for sky high heels, my friends and I are already being judged for 'parading around as if we own the school with our elaborate outfits and noses up high', if that's just school, what is the real world going to view me as? I don't want to go anymore and have to feel the scrutinized for what I do and what I wear for myself….. I just want to hide in my own bubble and dream of one day making Singapore curry for Karl Lagerfeld and wearing a Chanel suit taking beautiful pictures in Paris.
I absolutely love THIS, meaning, everything to do with the blog and being a part of my own creative process. It has become a huge part of me, being able to meet new people and work with them, seeing their perspective on things and just sharing our ideas and idealistic fashion dreams have been an eye-opener for me throughout the past few years. Even better being able to include the people who have helped me to get to where I am today to be a part of it all. And of course, I've accepted the gifts, and I've been paid to write and take pictures.. but does that mean I am not being truthful for the sake of the next round of gifts and whatever the future will have to offer me?
I can promise you I try my very best and I've only blogged about what I believe in. And to be even more matter of fact, I'm represented under an agency and have been under a contract for the past year but I've been barely given any "work" because my blog is 'different' and their clients don't want me or half the time I reject them because what would it mean for me to be blogging about…I don't know…the police force and what they do? (nothing against them, you get where I'm coming from right?) I've also avoided attending many events because the truth is, I feel ever more like an outsider than any insider because of this general label that bloggers are pinned with. And I'm a little shy so a room of very well-dressed people scruntinizing one another (no one in particular but let's face it) makes me feel a little uncomfortable.
I have a dream and I believe that my blog will play a part in helping me achieve that. After Lasalle, I plan to pursue more fashion studies in London because this is part of my dream and I'm willing to work hard to get there. I don't want to be seen as a pest in this industry and I've always believed that expressing ourselves through personal style is making art as well. All of us are artists in our own right and maybe different people do it for different reasons, blog for different reasons but I'll stay firm on mine: I love it and I'll keep doing it, I'll keep exploring places, I'll keep taking photos and I'll keep dressing like I do not for anyone else but for myself. And most importantly, I'll keep believing in my dream. Not going to say what it is yet but I guess stick around and hopefully, you'll see.