Hello? Is anybody still there?
Februrary has been a crazy month in both good ways and bad. It's been a lot about school but I've also seen myself working a lot harder than I usually do. I think that is the thing about being at your very last stage of school life basically, you just want to do it well and leave proud. At least that is the case for me. I've been thinking a lot about dealing with the things life throws at you and it made me realise that no matter how you choose to deal with it, at the end of the day it is really all about you. And yes, eventually you let go and you move on. But how does one move into the future if the past is still present? Can we really let go? I feel like one of those people who can never find what they call 'closure'. I just never let go and I thought about why because it does make me feel miserable sometimes to be able to remember every detail about the bad things that happen. And I thought maybe I don't want to let go, maybe I just want to be able to remember these things as reminders to myself on the mistakes I never want to make again. I know all of this is random to be posting here but I like that I can be completely comfortable typing this write now. We all say, 'be your own person' and 'live for yourself' but are we really? I genuinely wish I could be my own person, not affected by the things around me that happen, even if they've absolutely nothing to do with me. I wish I could be living entirely for myself. I went out a few days ago and just spent some me time alone, I relished in the fact that I was able to enjoy my favourite noodles without any armour…just me and myself. By armour I do mean books, phones, 4G, the laptop, you get the drift. But I don't think this is something I could be comfortable doing all the time. If there is anything I want to work on this year, it is being completely comfortable in my own skin, in my pressence, in my space. Not bothered to allow anything get me down or even think twice about what I do. Sensitivity can really bring you down and its in times like these I wish I had a twin just like me. Just so she would understand every thing the rest of the world doesn't get about me.
You know that feeling?
Photo: Orange blueberry earl grey tea cake, I've been finding a lot of comfort in the kitchen this month, cooking and pretty much baking my heart out. This is my new favourite recipe I've been improvising with. The cake is the perfect kind of texture even with wholemeal flour and unrefined sugar (healthy!) but I still can't figure out how to make it hold together in a bundt tin. It's perfect as a loaf but always falls apart in a bundt and it's why I've made this 4 times in the past week! Can't figure out why, would love some tips if you guys have any! But for now, I am so eating my heart out! Cake of my DREAMS.