Oh damnit, I'm having one of those nights where I am legitimately exhausted but I'm glued to my laptop scrolling through pictures of 101 things I can't have. It has been awhile. I used to love ranting about these things so I thought maybe I'd blog about it today since I am trying to make a conscious effort to document my life more and update this space in general. I grew up extremely materialistic- me as a young teenage girl growing up in a very typical Singaporean household, void of anything 'fashion'….I'm clueless at what sparked the very initial interest in anything about 'dress' because in the past it was never about self-expression but about the labels behind the things I would wear.
I grew up as one of those awful looking kids, really awful that I was made fun of for how I looked in school. Until I started blogging in 2007 and just slowly made a transformation. I looked so bad that I refuse to even keep old pictures of me and my friends because it just was a time in my life I didn't want to remember, and one I didn't feel happy in. It was a lot of friendships built on superficiality because we were all too afraid to be seen by ourselves. And I think for me, my initial spark in fashion was just that designer goods looked nice and gave status and I wanted that status because I felt so looked down upon when people would make fun of me. I was that kid who would beg my dad to buy me Burberry just because it was Burberry even if it was the most awful looking sweater. I do mean literally, BEG. It got bad. I think having a fabulous aunt who travelled the world slowly inspired me, and just an active online community I slowly felt I was a part of. That was when the 'self-expression' came along and I started to become more adventurous with how I dressed and I had a lot of fun with it.
I still loved designer shit all these years, I would yell and scream at home because I so badly needed to get my Louis Vuitton bucket bag when I was 15. I remember one afternoon during one of my tuition classes where a private tutor would come to my house to help me with my work…I spent sulking away because I NEEDED MONEY. To buy that bag. I was getting $35 a week, no way I was buying a $500 bag..so I was sulking and I refused to get any work done. I sat there and made a face, then soon started running around my house screaming, and I even climbed the window and shook it. I kinda wanna LOL thinking about how silly I was but it's all the #truth. Ask my tutor, I was one of his most memorable students.
So glad things have changed, I'm still a material girl but it feels great that I actually feel just as confident in a $10 dress carrying a no-label purse. These things really take time if it's something you grew up with like my case but you soon just realise there is so, so much more to living rather than being stuck in a material world. All the happiness I got from my bags and shoes were shortlived, I think I would feel much happier if you gave me a pot for my birthday. Hah! I always thought whoo, I'd be the happiest, coolest girl on earth if I carried this or that dream bag. And lucky for me I got to carry what's considered one of the holy grail of handbags but it really never did give me as much pleasure as looking at vintage wares for the kitchen or travelling to a new place. I think what defined my style was a small part of me going away from brands and just buying whatever I liked. Name or no name, it just didn't matter as long as I liked it. I would treat myself once in awhile but that was all there would be to it. But anyway, like I was saying, I'm having one of those nights…looking at a gazillion things I can never have. It's funny one of the things I get asked a lot is what my dream bag is so there you go! The Celine Box Bag….. holy Lord Jesus. I love it, can't decide which colour I would ever get if I had to choose, just want it all. Me. Myself. Mine. Hahahaha. That's a long way to go for me but hopefully my little story tonight will change your mind about starving the hell out of yourself or borrowing a shit ton of money to buy yourself a little something fancy. I'm guilty all the time and am always making excuses for myself but if you really want something my advice is, buying a basic colour, one that's easy to match with everything.. and just make sure you use it. And borrow if you must, write a contract or a deal (hahaha) but it ALWAYS feels fucking amazing when you're buying something that's yours after hard work with your own cold, hard cash.
So….work towards it. Nothing wrong treating yourself to a something fancy every once in awhile but don't let it take over you or limit yourself to LIFE just to make materialistic goals happen. It's not worth it.